Finesse: The Elegance of Presence - No Matter What
Even in terminal illness (trigger warning)
I feel deeply called to share the story of Jannine, a stunning woman I’ve had the immense privilege of supporting since January. Jannine has terminal Bile Duct cancer.
Today on a call, I searched for the word that would do justice to the way she’s been holding herself.
Finesse. That was the word.
And when I spoke the word out a little later I added - “Finesse is an elegance of presence”. These words are spot on accurate because this is exactly what I’ve witnessed when rarely “an elegance of presence” would ever be associated with cancer.
This elegance of presence has been playing out across Jannine’s physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. And yes, “wellbeing” and cancer are also not normally synonymous.
But in Jannine’s case they are.
The Power of Perspective
Early in the year, Jannine shared something that still echoes in me:
“The moment you think about death, it brings you back to life.”
What a paradox.
“I’m lucky to know that death is coming. I can tie up loose ends. Really connect. There’s no holding back. I’m telling people the impact they’ve had. Saying the things that are closer to the bone. Love wins - everything else is filler.”
This is perspective.
It’s the lens through which she has chosen to see, and therefore experience everything. It is also the lens she is offering us.
Sovereignty of Choice
Jannine has never ceded her power. She has chosen how she moves, who supports her, what she says yes or no to, and even how she chooses to leave this world - through the voluntary assisted dying process.
When victimhood to cancer would be completely understandable, the power has resided with Jannine, choosing to lead from love all the way through. “I want to have a choice in it all…..and have control when I’ve had enough.”
This kind of sovereignty reminds me of Viktor Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning, who found freedom even in a Nazi concentration camp - because he claimed the one thing no one could take from him was how he chose to meet life.
A Mission Revealed
When we first connected, Jannine told me she wanted to speak publicly about her experience with voluntary assisted dying - not just for herself, but for others navigating this path. She searched for stories in the first person and found none. So she decided to be the first.
We’ve now recorded a powerful series of conversations on The Intuitive Pull Podcast - episodes that will air in the coming weeks.
What many don’t know is that doctors in Australia are not allowed to offer voluntary assisted dying as an option unless a patient first asks. Jannine wants people to be informed. She wants this conversation out in the open and not hidden in silence or stigma.
Honoring Her Humanity
In every conversation, Jannine has made it a priority to honour her humanity by feeling the heartbreak to come to a place of acceptance and peace.
She’s spoken about the deep identity shift that’s occurring - from identifying with the body that powerfully and joyfully served her as a yoga and pilates teacher, to identifying with essence itself. “I can either mourn what I’ve lost or celebrate what I’ve gained. Acceptance is really good medicine.”
The Legacy of Going First
I had the honour of speaking with Jannine’s Mum Sharon today. Sharon also has a big story but decided years ago to “do the work” to not carry the trauma monkey on her back and come to a place of peace instead.
When I heard this, I made a connection with Jannine. In amongst the grief, sadness and loss, because Sharon’s centre of gravity is peace - because she chose it, I know this has been a major contributor to the way Jannine has been holding herself. I remarked what an incredibly special sacred/soul contract they share.
Finesse. The Elegance of Presence. No Matter What.
Jannine’s story reminds me of Daniel and Leila Abdallah, the Sydney parents who forgave the man who killed their three children and founded the i4Give Foundation. Like Jannine, they chose to lead from love, in the face of the unthinkable.
This is the elegance of presence.
It’s available to all of us. If we choose it.
May Jannine’s elegance of presence be a powerful influence in your life, as she is in mine.
Thank you, Jannine, for your generosity in allowing me to share you here. And thank you for choosing to speak through your journey on The Intuitive Pull Podcast in the coming weeks.
You are finesse and grace in human form.