The smallest I’ve ever felt was when he looked me in the eye and said…

When what's truly important becomes essential

It was a distinct moment sitting in a marketing agency’s boardroom in early 2013 when the marketer looked me in the eye and said ‘Gisele, you’ll never be accepted in the way you communicate’.

Here I was sharing what was in my heart to lead, what I’d left my human resources career for nine years before, and hearing those eleven words, I had never felt so small, so invalid, so pointless, so non-existent.

Lucky for me it was only a short six months where I proceeded to use their A3 presentation pack with language that was not my own to pitch to CEOs.  I hit the wall with a panic attack whilst facilitating a workshop that had an undertone of ‘let me prove my worth to you so that you finally buy my service’.  With a false premise like that, that was never going to work.  I left that business straight after that workshop.

By the end of 2013 I had a genuine capacity to be grateful for that time, and to even bless the marketer who looked me in the eye, because without that experience I would never have come to know that authenticity is profitable.  And I would never have valued that my intuitive self is all I need to be in the whole of my business.

Yesterday I met Nick Mair MHFAi⏰ on Zoom.  I’d been following his posts on LinkedIn, and in a sea of posts that honestly don’t mean much to me, I was drawn to his vulnerability about his mental health journey, his ADHD diagnosis, his warmth, humour, authenticity and mission.  I reached out to invite him to be a guest on my podcast and yesterday we met for the first time simply to connect.  It was delightful.

That morning I also had a Zoom with someone very special to me who I’d lost touch with and hadn’t seen for over 10 years.  What I’d missed in those 10 years is how challenging they’d been, how he’d lost all sense of orientation from being very unwell to then discovering that he’d been living with undiagnosed ADHD.  He said that the only real way through to his wellness was to connect at a heart level.  I then said ‘it’s like connecting at a heart level is medicine’.  He replied by saying ‘Gisele, it’s not ‘like’ medicine.  It’s ‘the’ medicine’.

After those two conversations I had this thought.

What if it’s those who can’t put on appearances let alone fake appearance, who have been brought to the knees, or as my friend put it, who have ‘bowed down to the Universe’ in vulnerability, who are here to bring back to humanity what we seem to have forgotten, devalued, not made time for and thus lost - connection at a heart level?

Even as I write those five words ‘connection at a heart level’, there’s a place within me that sees through the eyes of that marketer and perceives this as a foreign body especially in the corporate world.  What KPI measures this?  What 360 degree performance feedback system values this?  What MBA or leadership program makes this essential?  What has it got anything to do with productivity and the bottom line that keeps businesses in business?

EVERYTHING.

‘Connection at a heart level’ makes important what is truly important.  When what’s truly important becomes essential, relationships align, conversations flow, decisions are made from presence, we lead from agency and authenticity and see solutions to situations rather than being powerless to them.  We speak out what we’ve too afraid to communicate, we drop the blame game and we see people differently than through our judgment filtered glasses.

And that’s really the summary.  When we connect at a heart level with ourselves and each other, we see things differently.  How we see things determines our experience of life.  And thus we’re now leading at a causal level, versus a reactive, non-present, agenda fuelled, 7 year old version of ourselves.

Years ago I learnt about Leo Buscaglia.   He was a Professor at the University of South California in the 1960’s - 1980’s, often referred to as "Dr. Love," as he was a passionate advocate for love, connection, and the power of human relationships.  Impacted by one of his student’s suicide, he designed and taught Love 1A at USC.  He was also known for getting in the elevator, putting his back to the door and introducing himself saying "This might be the only chance I'll ever get to meet you and I don't want to miss this chance." Check him out on Youtube. You'll be inspired.

There's one very important piece to state here.

You can only connect with someone at a heart level if you are connected to yours.

How often do you make that a priority, if ever at all?

In my experience as a coach, it often takes something catastrophic to create that reconnection.  In those times of extreme vulnerability, there are no more words, there’s no more defending, no more resolving, no more cajoling.  Only an act of surrender.  And that act of surrender can lead us back to hearts.

But do we need something catastrophic to occur for that to happen?

This is where leadership must now go.  All evidence shows us that if we continue to lead from disconnection with ourselves and each other, the only reality we’ll experience are the ramifications of that disconnection which is what we’re currently facing in the world right now. Do we tolerate that? Ignore what's happening? Think it's not our problem?

Three weeks ago I became aware of something very obvious that was staring at me in the face. All the people I'm coaching are in their 50's, 60's, 70's and I even have the privilege of working with an 80 year old remarkable woman. I have no spring chickens.

I know why I'm working with them. Because each are taking responsibility to make their contribution to humanity. They are each asking themselves the question - what and to whom are all of my years of experience and wisdom to now be in service to? The catalysts of chaos and crisis have not been their impetus but instead their connection to themselves and their care for humanity. And I applaud them.

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