Sharing this in case someone needs to read this.
I’ve got my knickers in a knot.
I want to remind you of something really important.
There is nothing wrong with you.
If you are choosing to feel free based on current circumstances whether that be in relationship, your career, health or purpose, there is nothing to feel shameful about. Guilt is praying in reverse and serves no one — not yourself, not your loved ones, nor your community.
If you feel shame or guilt for choosing freedom, the underlying assumption is that choosing to be free is wrong. I’m sure that’s the last thing you’d want to pass onto your children when their time comes (which will be inevitable by the way) to decide if they resign themselves to the status quo or if they choose to be free.
So instead of feeling shameful for your choices, instead of feeling like you need therapy to manage that guilt, I’d like to invite a shift in perception instead. A shift in perception that acknowledges how brave you were to not resign yourself to the lack of inner freedom that presented itself in misaligned relationships, career, poor health etc.
There is nothing wrong with you. And instead I’d say that there is everything right about you and to be celebrated about you — because you’ve been brave. You’ve been brave to choose freedom, even if this has come at a cost, even if others don’t ‘get it’, even if you’ve lost friends along the way.
You’ve been brave because you came from a place of self-love and trust and there is nothing to feel shame or guilt about that. This is to be celebrated. I celebrate you. I celebrate you for honouring yourself that much that you risked opinions, relationships and most importantly, the status quo.
I also want to remind you of another really important thing.
If you are feeling like there is something wrong with you for questioning ‘what is all this for — this career, this money, this life?’ and if that bewilderment feels dark and you’ve watched friends go down some very dark paths, I especially want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you.
I get how scary it is to have watched others who have had the same thoughts and feelings make irreversible decisions and to wonder if that will be you one day. That’s why I have my knickers in a knot and why I really, really want to tell you that there is nothing wrong with you.
Sure there might be some hormonal stuff going on. I experienced that myself and discovered I had Hashimoto’s Disease and thus treated my body at that level (and now my Hashimoto’s has been reversed).
And…..
Let me offer you another shift in perception.
Those feelings that lead you to thoughts of the pointlessness of life represent an inextricable longing for depth. DEPTH.
I want to say congratulations because 100% of the population have the same capacity for depth, but the great majority overlook it. They ‘manage’ it away. They tell themselves to be happy with what they’ve got. Then they tell you about the beautiful life you have and what is there to be unhappy about? Be happy with what you have they say. Settle. Meanwhile you’re dying on the inside.
But your body won’t let you settle. Those thoughts and feelings won’t let you settle.
I say how wonderful is that.
Embrace those feelings. They are not wrong. They long for DEPTH.
That depth begins with you. It begins with making you matter as much as you make everyone else matter. It means giving time and space to you as much as you give time and space to others. It actually means putting yourself first.
And that is truly excellent modelling if you have children because one day when they face their own search for meaning, they will have seen that the person that loved them the most chose to love themselves as much.
I received a message from a client just yesterday who I’ve worked with for a couple of years. She said one of the most meaningful moments of our coaching relationship was on our first discovery call. As she got on the phone that day she told me that she didn’t know if she should even be on the call and that perhaps hospital would be the better option. I can’t remember what I said but I’m sure the conversation went something like the words I’ve just written. She often comments that she doesn’t know what I did on that first ‘discovery’ call but that those feelings completely shifted and we hadn’t even begun coaching.
She now lives a happy life. Has bought a new home. Has a beautiful relationship. Has travelled the world including coming to Kenya with me. She negotiated a more aligned role at work in a part time capacity with a higher salary and also completed a truly meaningful contract with a NFP that filled her cup. And most importantly, she feels very, very well. She knows that there was nothing wrong with her at all.
I hope this reached those who needed to read it.
And it goes without saying to reach out if you’d like support. These shifts in perception that are life-changing are my very, very favourite work
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